i saw this on the i-heart.org blog and i really like it.

"Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

-- Martin Luther King, Jr

He'll make your crooked ways straight.

"God's omnipotence is always one step ahead of our incompetence." - Os Hillman

Just beautiful right?

I was just thinking a moment ago, how it seemed that for awhile now, I had forgotten why I am where I am. No, I'm not being emotional or anything of the sort, but with the refreshing that I received in the past week, dreams have been coming alive once more. Not that they'd been dead for awhile, but of late, it seemed as though they'd lacked the brightness of the past and the vibrancy of my position as a wonderful, glorious child of the Most High God had been quietly forgotten in the tides of life.

To some extent, I fretted a little about "how could I have forgotten...?" or simply, "oh man, what have I been doing - or rather, not doing with the treasures He's placed in my hands...?" But Daddy God is just so good and so loving that He listens to the every beat of my heart and every thought that runs through my head. and quite simply, He'd said "and what about it?"

That seemed to wake me up. Here I was, looking once more on the sad side of things (the flesh is just so pessimistic!), what I had or had not done again. No no no, no time is ever wasted time when its spent in His presence. So what if not everyday is so-called of dashing brightness of intensity in my eyes? That doesn't change the fact that I have a spectacular God. So I'd gotten into a routine - but who's to say i didn't enjoy the quiet beauty He'd brought before me each day even in the midst of that so-called routine? No matter where I am, He's always one step before me.

And who's to say if I'd missed anything along the way? If He wanted to show me something, I know I'd see it - because as Pastor says, His ability to speak to me can never be hindered by my inability to hear. If the Almighty God who created everything and loved me enough to send His darling, one and only Son to die for my sake wanted me to know anything - I wouldn't doubt He has the ability to MAKE IT HEARD.

He's a big big God. :)

Sing To The Lord

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who worships the Lord, she shall be praised.

Freedom Truth

Isaiah 51:7,11

"Listen to Me, you who know righteousness, you people in whose heart is My law: Do not fear the reproach of men, Nor be afraid of their insults.
For the moth will eat them up like a garment, and the worm will eat them like wool; but My righteousness will be forever, and My salvation from generation to generation. "


"So the ransomed of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with singing, with everlasting joy on their heads. They shall obtain joy and gladness; Sorrow and sighing shall flee away."



Isaiah 54:17 (Amplified)

But no weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgement you shall show to be in the wrong. This (peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition) is the heritage of the servants of the Lord (those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced); this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me (this is that which I impart to them as their justification), says the Lord.



Those I've been talking to will know, the recent months have been trying for me. Don't really want to go into details, suffice to say - it's come in the form of verbal criticism and left me feeling like a failure and just so, so weary.

Don't get me wrong, the Lord still has been faithful. He's lavished upon me love and understanding, words in season but it seemed as though the "playback" button on my head was stuck on the "criticism category" instead of the rest that the Lord so dearly provides.

Truth be told, i felt so shaken that at a few points in time, i knew the only thing that stood between Kai-Lin-the-Child-of-God and Kai-Lin-going-ballistic was the love of God that never forsook me. He didn't forsake me. But somehow along the way, i had simply found myself nodding along to all the voices coming from the outside - giving in to those thoughts that simply wretch you out from the place of looking to Christ and sinks you into the depression that comes when you look to yourself.

But even in the midst of the darkness i felt i was experiencing, He would whisper sweet words of love to my heart, that His "grace is sufficient for you (me) and My (His) strength is made perfect in your (my) weakness". yet i felt my feelings wavering crazily, like a confused yo-yo, wondering why it was that at this point in time, when i spent more time than i have in the past in His Word and praying in the Spirit, all this continued?

My foundation wasn't fully built on His estimation of me. so as everything was shaken, so was i. deep down inside, i was aware of it, but i didn't want to accept it. and refused to, until my brother said it point-blank in my face on sunday. you bet it hurt, but it was necessary. an issue that needs to be resolved on the inside. its not what people are saying, its that inside, i can't deal with it. that's why it shakes my world.

"Know ye the truth and the truth shall set you free."

Pastor preached on this before, but while i thought i'd got it then, this little seed is starting to really grow now. i felt bound, pressed, simply awful in ways i couldn't really describe. i became sensitive to myself and the words of others, rather than sensitive to the words of God. the exact opposite of what i desired. and again, i didn't know why. i prayed and prayed, asked God why and why and why and why and why... you get the idea.

Someone told me that "truth hurts". another said, "what if what they're saying is the truth?" the first was said in jest, the second out of concern, but both hurt equally. (though neither was aimed to hurt. anyways, all forgiven) but it got me thinking, what if what they're saying really is the truth? and that started another whole spiral of thoughts that were far from edifying.

But the Lord reminded me of the verse above "Know ye the truth and the truth shall set you free." and His Word is truth.

Truth is a word sadly abused in the modern society. its used in phrases such as "to tell you the truth..." where something unpleasant is about to be said and the receiver of those words tend to put their guard up straight away.

But that's not what God says truth is.

Truth is not equivalent to fact. cause facts change, when, for example, there's a new scientific invention, a new school of thought, blah blah blah.

Beyond that, truth is something that can be tested, pressured and still remain. facts can be changed, affected, removed, replaced - like how man used to think the earth was flat (it was a fact then) until Christopher Columbus went for a holiday. Truth doesn't change according to circumstances in life - from every angle, it remains the truth.

And that's what God's word is. "Jesus loves Kai Lin" there's truth.

That truth doesn't change according to how i feel, nor does it sway according to what i experience. it remains steady and sure, whether or not i believe in it. but when i realise truly that that's truth, the truth that Christ loves me beyond measure every micromillisecond that passes, that the cross of Jesus has redeemed me beyond all failure, that the righteousness of God is on my side and His heart is tender towards me, i've found the rock on which i can base my life on. the truth that will establish me as one who will be unshaken by circumstance, by testing.

Fact may dictate my insufficiency, but TRUTH says that i'm not powerless. i don't have to slavishly bow to my circumstances that exist in fact. i'm more than a conqueror! i'm a King and High Priest, set apart and fit for the Master's use! facts have to conform to the truth, and i know, the Word of God - the truth shall not return to Him void. that's honest truth.

The One who freely gives

Matthew 5: 6
'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.'

Isn't Jesus just awesome? For He proves yet again that He is the Lord that is willing, the Lord who provides, the Lord who readily dispenses that which we ask of Him.

The Amplified here refers to righteousness as 'uprightness and right-standing with God', and we all know that the only way one can walk in the company of God is in the knowledge that we have the right to do so - knowing that we do not owe Him anything, knowing that we are allowed to do so because all our mistakes, past, present and future has already been borne on the person and the body of Jesus Christ.

And the way we know that right is ours is as we seek and see Jesus, in His love who has become our sin-offering for us, our eternal provision even before we had asked it of Him!

Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you. For He who dispenses His love freely has promised that we are to be 'completely satisfied' [Amplified] .

far far away.

its been three weeks here in the US of A. and i wouldn't say the experience is upsetting or unpleasant, but rather, pleasant yet slightly unsettling. way out of my comfort zone, experiencing a vastly different world from the one in which i have been accustomed to.

people say time and tide wait for no man, and halfway round the world, i cannot help but consider, wonder what i may be missing out on, despite that which i have gained while i'm where i am.

don't get me wrong, the place here is so vastly different, with land abundant and beautiful houses, old buildings that are still being used - though probably would have been considered historical monuments in singapore. the weather is beautiful, with little rain and as of recently, bright sunshine with cool temperatures and cool breeze coming straight towards here in the gulf of mexico.

yet as my reliance upon those around me is removed from my near immediate premises, so is my reliance on Him and His faithfulness increased. after all, who else is there to turn to? i mean that not in a bitter nor sad way, but merely as a matter of fact.

perhaps this could be considered a period of testing, for i had forgotten the feeling of being so far removed from the friends whom i have come to treasure and the company i so enjoy. alongside the communal anointing of a church gathered before Daddy God, and the anointing of freedom, of grace that i had become so used to.

and perhaps i had become numb to that which had so freely been given, and in time, taken for granted - oh, typical, one might say, but here, i truly miss that corporate anointing which had always been present in our gatherings.

and having been in such an amazing presence of grace and love multiple times, and after less than a month, feeling its seperation, i seem to recall the time when none of this had been present in my life, and wonder now, as i did then, how much meaning life had truly seemed to hold for me then.

that time is distant, yet seemingly not far away in my recollection.

but i would that the memory of the past not rob the beauty of the present, rahter amplifying it in its contrast.

Declare Freedom

as children of God to whom the Word has declared victory, we often wonder why our circumstances even exist.

wouldn't it all be perfect, simply if there was no opposition in our lives, such that things went exactly and solely the way we wanted it to?

i don't know if anyone else has, but i sure have thought that way.

or perhaps, why we should even bother to change and move towards the life that Christ has redeemed for us - as in, what's wrong with the way that we live now?

it occurred to me a week or so back that perhaps trials, problems happen to give us a reason.

let me explain myself, imagine a prison, and a prisoner standing within, with the key.

the odd thing that should probably occur to one would be - if he has the key, why is he still in there?

but in some sense, are we the same?

Prisoners, holding the key to freedom within our prison cells but simply having no reason to get out.

i'm not justifying or seeking to explain why negative stuff happen in some peoples' lives, but maybe, we could change our perspectives some, and see things as an opportunity, a reason to use the keys freely given to us in Christ.

hello loves, yes its been awhile but praise the Lord and start dancing, because i'm finally back! :)

for those of you who don't know, i've been working in CJC as a relief teacher (full-time working hours :S), teaching general paper. its tiring but rewarding at the same time, which can be interesting and frustrating at the same time - especially when i have to chase for homework... x)

but praise God, for as it appears, my classes appear to have been far more cooperative than some colleagues of mine.

haha i love my classes, they're fun and no one bullies me. :D

often, my students remind me so much of my own friends and sometimes, even myself. it seems a bit odd, but quite interesting at the same time. and i pray that they will be happy wherever they may go, and keep those smiles i have seen on their faces no matter what they may face. that they have the boldness to step forward and not be crippled by the fear of failure.

and i leave them all in the hands of Jesus.







You raise me up
So i can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
and i am strong, when i am on Your shoulders
You raise me up,
to more than i can be



sometimes, times may bear down upon us harshly, and life becomes a blur of deadlines and consequences. yet it is important to remember that as children of God, we're in this world but not of this world. the going gets tough yes, but Christ has accomplished all. we can cry, we can break down, but no, we are never alone. He makes us more than we are. we might lose sight of who we are, what we stand for, but He never loses sight of us.

we are made for eternal purposes, what is visible is only temporal.

languish in His love, and it will lavish out on those around you.

God bless :)

feelings about feeling

okay, this is going to be a long post. read carefully, i hope it well bless you as it did me, because the more i typed the more Jesus opened up to me and the more i had to type.

pastor's message today was great. while the message was meant to bless families and offer direction to parents, i feel that as a child, i was lent an inside view into the mentality and the perspective that parents approach things from as well. and it helped me understand much of what i had gone through, am still going through and why. i felt really blessed. yet having pastor already expound on that part, maybe i'll just talk about something else that really jumped out at me during service in the course of one of pastor's rabbit trails.


Pastor mentioned that Jesus doesn't just sympathise - in the modern context of the word - with how we feel. He feels what we feel, whenever we're happy or sad. (ref Hebrews 4:15) i don't know about the rest of you, but that was important to me. it gave me assurance on a deeper level. more than just a Saviour who dwells in you, who offers you unconditional love and support - though without doubt, all of that is already infinitely precious - we have a Saviour who has the ability to feel exactly how you feel. and just as children - or rather, people who in general require someone to simply listen to them more than offer advice (we can come to our own conclusions yeah? ;) ) Jesus doesn't just listen and understand on a verbally communicated basis, He understands it through His own experiencing of it as well - in feeling what you feel. and that establishes His position doesn't it? the song Iris by the GooGoo Dolls going, " and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand", made the song a huge hit. and all of us understand why. cause we've all felt that way before. why bother telling someone who doesn't understand? but more than anyone else, He shows us that He does.

and now, perhaps to continue on what pastor had mentioned, i think its important that we realise the difference between that acceptance of feelings and the action that we act out with reference to the action. as pastor mentioned just now, its important that parents are able to differentiate between the child saying "i FEEL like i don't want..." and "i don't want...". One's a feeling the other is an action.

and as a child myself (believe me i know) how it can be difficult, how it can be annoying and how it can be hurtful when parents don't listen. trust me, when pastor gave analogies, at so many points i almost felt he was talking about me, so much that i teared up in my seat, haha.

but likewise, perhaps i will share some stuff that Jesus has shared with me before. just as parents have to differentiate, children have to be able to differentiate as well (okay, i'm assuming that since you're reading my blog, you're at least over twelve years of age here)

let me explain what i mean here. lets say, i give the analogy of child A getting angry with brother B and lets say, shouts at him. so the parent comes over, and scolds the child, "how can you shout at your brother?" ok, question: what is the parent upset about? what is the scolding here directed at? like pastor mentioned, feelings are not moral - they aren't exactly right or wrong. rather, how we act upon the feelings dictate their "rightness" so to speak. the scolding here is not directed at the child getting angry. its that the child shouted at someone. there's a difference. is there anyone who hasn't gotten angry before? even the nicest person has limits. but the action that translated out of that anger is the part that is wrong, not the anger itself. parents have to realise that and differentiate it. and children have to know that as well.

another thing that pastor brought up was the time that Jesus had mentioned (i'm para-phrasing here), how different are you from the world if you smile at someone who smiles at you, wave at someone who waves at you? like myself, some of you may have parents who aren't saved yet, and them not knowing Jesus is difficult for them as human beings (you should know the difference yourself), which may sometimes translate into how they treat you. it takes someone bigger of heart to love someone who does not deserve to be loved. as children of God who are supported and supplied with the love we require to love others, do you think its easier to love for us, or for someone who doesn't have Jesus and draws out any love they exhibit out of their own limited supply?


this may sound terrible and shocking, but in a world like the one we're in today, parents aren't obligated to love their children. think of all the baby dumping, the abortions and what-have-yous that exist today? but maybe we should see that having decided to love us - yes, even in their own imperfect ways - perhaps we should already be rejoicing that they love us and remain with us at all? we tend to cherish friendship and endeavour to spend time with our friends because we ATTACH A VALUE to the love that we receive from them. perhaps its because we expect our parents to be always there, that we under-value them, and in turn, makes it difficult for us to show that we or even to just simply appreciate them..

i remember once, pastor mentioned that when you love someone, you should love them the way that they want to be loved. at that moment, i understood that, but received it in 2 different ways. i understood what pastor meant, that people interpret love differently and in order for you to have done something that they interpret to be love, it requires you to have done it in their language of love. for example, if someone hates flowers and loves cookies, but you hate cookies and give them flowers, they won't feel loved, cause they hate the way you showed that you loved them when you bought them flowers! if you really love them, you would buy them cookies because you know that'e what they appreciate, and they in turn will register it as love. you love them the way they know it to be loved, not the way you want to love them.

i understood that, but applied that to the people around me. i thought, see they don't understand. thoughts of "why can't they, why must they, why couldn't they" just filled my mind, and before i knew it, i had condemned many around me. but one day the Lord asked me, " what about you?" it surprised me. then i realised that perhaps, these people didn't realise what they were doing. unlike myself, they didn't know about loving people the way they should be loved but having been from a different generation, just as their parents before them, they loved the only way they knew how. this was the way they had been treated, so sub-consciously, this is what they register to be the definition of parental love, and thus, this is what they show. And myself, in condemning them - whether i meant to or not, it doesn't matter - in not realising and interpreting their language of love, was doing the exact same thing they were doing to me, not loving them they way they wanted to be and interpreted love to be.








i hope you caught all that and it blessed you. and now i just caught something with reference to righteousness according to what pastor preached about rightesousness today. so even if you haven't exactly caught all that just now, catch this:


pastor mentioned that feelings are amoral, neither right nor wrong. let's take a look at that in reference to us believing that we're righteous. many times, when we do something that we feel is wrong, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we can end up wrought with guilt and condemnation - let's be real here yeah? but the thing is, here's the crux. the conviction of righteousness that the Holy Spirit accuses us of is based on the cross - that our feelings are not important and do not dictate our value, as the cross has paid for everything already. rather than feelings of condemnation or whatever translating into worse actions (remember: condemnation kills), the cross is that basis to which we can point and say, "no, this is not the be all and end all, this is not what is significant" because our value, our righteousness and our worth is wrapped up in the person and the finished work of Jesus Christ.

just as God's confimation and affirmation of Jesus as His beloved child allowed Him to perform miracles (recall: Jesus' first miracle only started after God called Him His beloved Son), our identity, our utmost affirmation of God's love is wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ. The Bible puts it this way: we know love through the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. the cross wraps up our undeserved identity, our identity as King and High Priest, child of God. Compared to a servant, a prince or princess walks with a different air of authority and confidence, simply because of who their father is, knowing the power they have through Him.

as we can. :)

falling down and standing up.

people often say that its ok if you fall, you just have to get back up again.
but its easier said than done.
for the average person, standing back up may not be where they want to be. sure, no one likes to fall down, but standing back up on your own two feet ain't easy. i would know. you struggle to stand up, only to feel tossed about by everything and find yourself on your behind again. everyone's been there.

but here's the crux. that was before. for a child of God, even when you fall, you fall into the all-protected, cushion-y zone of grace. and the difference is that you can stand up, because you stand with the approval of God. you have the RIGHT to stand, to not stand is to not claim something that's rightfully yours. and you have the courage to stand, because you know you won't be tossed about, your future is NOT unsure. it is definite, definitely good. you win, not because you fought harder but simply because in Christ, you're a winner. its only right that you win. because God has the last say in yoour life.