supernaturally naturally supernatural

A line from Code Blue 2.

2011-05-08T01:28:00.003+08:00

"Wounds of the heart are undoubtably necessary. That's because, bearing wounds in our hearts, we can become aware of other people's pain."

made me stop and think.

You.

2011-04-25T18:48:00.002+08:00

You are more than enough for me.

not just Your blessing, Your love, Your embrace, Your presence, Your anointing, Your call.

You. and You alone.

where I am weak, there Your strength can manifest perfectly.

You are more than enough for me, and everything I have been searching for.

I Will Wait For You - Janette

2011-04-24T00:07:00.003+08:00

So it seemed, that it was cool, fo cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me..

So I took matters into my own hands… and ended up with him

Him who displayed the characteristics of a CHEATER, a LIAR, an ABUSER, & a THEIF

So.. why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?

I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,

Cause it was ME who let him in…

Claiming we were “just friends”..

It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!

I was gonna make him ‘The One’..

You know… I was tired of being alone,

And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride,

Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride..

A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!

Who was tired of the wait!

So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.

He had a… form of Godliness… but not much..

But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough

Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me

Arties so clogged with MY will, it blocked HIS Will from flowing through me

So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,

That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back

Through my ignorance He sawed,

Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest

TO transplant Psalm 51:10

A new heart & a renewed right spirit within!

So now I fully understand,

Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,

How much I NEED to wait… for You.

See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..

Cause in the beginning was the Word

And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,

And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –

Which meant NOTHING.

He couldn’t even pray when I NEEDED him to

Asking him to fast would be absurd!

So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…

But I know You.. ♥

You were already praying for me

Even never having met me

Let me assure you, I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you

To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention

And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.

You know…. He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?

His first name LUKE,

His last name WARM.

I, I won’t settle for false companionship

I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,

Attempting to find some closeness,

But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held

Cause ♫”all I gotta do is Say” No!

NO more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’

Passing winks & buying drinks,

I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!♫

Who flirts with the ideology of,

‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’

NO more.

I’ll stay in my bed… alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you

He won’t even come close,

Our fingers won’t even interlock

We won’t even exchange breath

Cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down,

From so-called friends & family talks,

About the concern for my biological clock

When I serve the Author of Time.

Who is NOT subject to time,

But I’M subject to Him,

He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…

So if we could role play,

You would be Abraham & I would be Sara

Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer

I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,

Made up of your rib Adam!

And once we meet, like electrons

I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.

We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.

We were all created in His image,

But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.

If I were to explain what you looked like,

You would have to look like a star,

A son of the Son..

I would gain energy simply from the light on me.

I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis

I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you ♥

And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,

Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,

Your faith will remind me of Abraham,

Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,

Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,

Your heart for God will remind me of David,

Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,

Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,

And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,

But Your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.

But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,

Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me,

Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.

Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,

Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.

I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth

Only if you should see fit…

I desire Your will above mine,

So even if you call me to a life of singleness,

My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.

YOU are the greatest love story ever told,

The greatest story ever known

You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness

And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business

Oh, I will always be Yours!

And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning…

More than the watchmen wait for the morning… I WILL WAIT ♥

--------------------------------------------

saw the vid two days ago and still blown away. like a homing missile from Daddy God straight smack into the heart.

totally makes me tear every time, such a beautiful spirit, surrendered.

Through the eyes of Daddy God.

2011-04-18T17:11:00.000+08:00

I
She walks in beauty—like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to the tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

II
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face—
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

III
And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow
But tell of days in goodness spent
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

- She Walks In Beauty by Lord Byron

Mia Fieldes Interview

2011-04-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

came across this tonight, very blessed by it.

http://womeninworshipnetwork.com/2010/03/mia-fieldes-from-hillsong-chats-to-wiwn/

actually i'm just saving the link here for myself. haha

tears.

2011-04-08T07:43:00.002+08:00

i knew last night that i'm close to breaking point, but i didn't realize how close though.

there is almost nothing i dislike more than unreasonable people, and being shouted at. how would you like it if i did that to you?

i have too many others things already going on in my life, i really don't need more crap from you.

try walking a day in my shoes.

Savior.

2011-04-08T00:30:00.001+08:00

Hi Jesus, I need you now. grace grace Lord, I need You to save me in this situation, to extend to me grace and peace before I go absolutely crazy.

You are mighty to save.

My future is bright. Amen.

love.

2011-04-07T19:49:00.000+08:00

“When I find your eyes
where I am and who I’m with
just stops mattering.”

- Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

When I find Your eyes Jesus.

life.

2011-04-07T00:12:00.002+08:00

Isaiah 43:1-2
but now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not; for I have redeemed you,
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire,
you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you..."

Isaiah 43:18-19
"Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 43:25
"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My sake;
and I will not remember your sins."

letting it all sink it. nothing quite like the Word. i don't exactly understand how and why life springs forth again in my heart when i spend time in the Word, but i just know it does. should really set aside more time for it.

fellowship.

2011-04-06T22:05:00.004+08:00

on a separate note. i really love good fellowship. when the people of God gather, share their lives and bare their wounds. no pretense, no false fronts, no superficiality, no judgement. but a gathering of imperfect people before a perfect God.

i find those moments so precious. and these people, even if not really close at first, become close from the common denominator inside them, the same Holy Spirit that guides and molds us all, as we walk through life.

those moments linger long after everyone has split up and gone home. and the Spirit seems to sing with the goodness of what had occurred.

maybe because God had meant for us to enjoy moments such as these. that's why the Spirit radiates with contentment of what had occurred before, in complete agreement.

as iron sharpens iron, so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friend.

Lord, every friendship that You've given, thank You Daddy God that it will be maintained by You.

my strength does not lie in maintaining friendships, i know that well. many times, i have so many things going on, like right now, that i don't even have the time to do what needs to be done in my own life. and can't meet up with people that i miss so very much.

so i'm just gonna trust You Jesus. if it's for You, it will be done by You. may Your favor always be upon me, that their memory of me will always be blessed. may every encounter always be full of Your fragrance, whether the time spent is long or short. always precious, never taken for granted. give me wisdom and understanding, ears that listen, lips that speak forth grace, and a heart that is tender and quieted with Your love, gracious and at rest. knowing that You love me, and have not withheld any good thing from me. a heart with a good opinion of You, and bring that with me in every place i walk into.

i'd like to see the world through Your eyes. the Daddy God-kind of perspective.

learning to breathe.

2011-04-06T21:45:00.005+08:00

sometimes, people don't realize how what they say has an effect on others. long after people have gone home, those words can keep ringing.

but i wanna rise above that, rise beyond that.

yes it hurts, sometimes it just feels like, "was that really necessary?"

but i've been guilty of it before too.

maybe i am what you say i am. but i'm not perfect. that's why i need Jesus.

sorry if i don't meet your perfect standards, but then again who does?

that's why i need God. and that's why Jesus went to the cross for me. to meet every benchmark on my behalf, because in and of myself, i would never ever be able to.

i am still a work in progress. what was said may be true Lord, and i don't want to be such a person either. Change me, quicken me, according to Your will, according to Your loving kindness.

one day, Daddy God, let me look back on this and laugh. teach and lead me, love me unto wholeness again. lift me up above the words and opinions of others. i choose to keep the joy and the peace that You have given to me.

You've borne every condemnation on my behalf, i receive Your righteousness, Your love that will never ever fail me.

I am a princess by birth, not by any worth of my own. anything i have and i am, is only by the grace of God. i receive it undeserving. and nothing anyone may say can ever change that.

i choose to let it go into Your hands. and be happy. the abundant life is meant to be enjoyed.

Stuck.

2011-04-01T09:51:00.003+08:00

“Am I what you need
when everything falls apart?
Am I glue to You?”

- Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

it's like a question from God.

sian ttm. always too many things happening. one life, many areas. sometimes i just wish i was a hermit in a cave, away from all the problems, all the issue, all the work.

if only life was made out of fun and rainbows. and it was all simpler. why do things have to be so complicated.

Lord, You make it work out for my good. It's not the end until it glorifies You.

Your love will never ever fail me. let hope rise once more.

my future is bright, Your plans are good, You're still on the throne.

God is good all the time. and all the time God is good.

In Your eyes.

2011-04-01T07:56:00.001+08:00

Lord, let it sink in again and again. Convince me and love me afresh, every moment, everyday.

QOTD

2011-03-31T08:31:00.002+08:00

saw this on tumblr.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.”

- Washington Irving (via quote-book)

---------------------------------------------------

on a less happy note:

“Silence is a girl’s loudest cry. You can always tell she’s really hurt when she starts ignoring you.”

- (via pretty-bird)

hurhurhur.

sleep deprivation

2011-03-31T07:45:00.004+08:00

totally didn't get a wink of sleep last night. i don't even feel like i have the energy to be upset.

in school by 7.30am, and i have class until 5.

feel like skipping out on class and going for a massage. my shoulders hurt.

this is a whining post, i know. after 5 hours of tossing and turning, psalm 23, praying in tongues, journalling and still remaining awake, just for today, i think i'm entitled.

no, i have no idea what's bugging me.

just that my mind is very awake.

i think it bugs me that i don't know what's bugging me.

sensing i'm losing coherence here.

Be starry-eyed

2011-03-13T04:11:00.002+08:00

“Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not.”

- Paulo Coelho

You are greater than what you are going/ have gone through. Let hope rise. And watch God transform those scars of today into the stars of tomorrow.

hearthfires

2011-02-23T16:53:00.001+08:00

"The great love is gone. There are still little loves - friend to friend, brother to sister, student to teacher. Will you deny yourself comfort at the hearthfire of a cottage because you may no longer sit by the fireplace of a palace? Will you deny yourself to those who reach out to you in hopes of warming themselves at your hearthfire?"
— Mercedes Lackey (Magic's Pawn)

one of my favourite quotes from a fiction book ever. been stuck in my head for awhile.

i saw this on the i-heart.org blog and i really like it.

2009-07-03T12:22:00.000+08:00

"Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

-- Martin Luther King, Jr

He'll make your crooked ways straight.

2009-05-18T18:29:00.001+08:00

"God's omnipotence is always one step ahead of our incompetence." - Os Hillman

Just beautiful right?

I was just thinking a moment ago, how it seemed that for awhile now, I had forgotten why I am where I am. No, I'm not being emotional or anything of the sort, but with the refreshing that I received in the past week, dreams have been coming alive once more. Not that they'd been dead for awhile, but of late, it seemed as though they'd lacked the brightness of the past and the vibrancy of my position as a wonderful, glorious child of the Most High God had been quietly forgotten in the tides of life.

To some extent, I fretted a little about "how could I have forgotten...?" or simply, "oh man, what have I been doing - or rather, not doing with the treasures He's placed in my hands...?" But Daddy God is just so good and so loving that He listens to the every beat of my heart and every thought that runs through my head. and quite simply, He'd said "and what about it?"

That seemed to wake me up. Here I was, looking once more on the sad side of things (the flesh is just so pessimistic!), what I had or had not done again. No no no, no time is ever wasted time when its spent in His presence. So what if not everyday is so-called of dashing brightness of intensity in my eyes? That doesn't change the fact that I have a spectacular God. So I'd gotten into a routine - but who's to say i didn't enjoy the quiet beauty He'd brought before me each day even in the midst of that so-called routine? No matter where I am, He's always one step before me.

And who's to say if I'd missed anything along the way? If He wanted to show me something, I know I'd see it - because as Pastor says, His ability to speak to me can never be hindered by my inability to hear. If the Almighty God who created everything and loved me enough to send His darling, one and only Son to die for my sake wanted me to know anything - I wouldn't doubt He has the ability to MAKE IT HEARD.

He's a big big God. :)

Sing To The Lord

2009-02-28T18:36:00.001+08:00

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who worships the Lord, she shall be praised.

Freedom Truth

2008-12-11T20:43:00.007+08:00

Isaiah 51:7,11

"Listen to Me, you who know righteousness, you people in whose heart is My law: Do not fear the reproach of men, Nor be afraid of their insults.
For the moth will eat them up like a garment, and the worm will eat them like wool; but My righteousness will be forever, and My salvation from generation to generation. "

"So the ransomed of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with singing, with everlasting joy on their heads. They shall obtain joy and gladness; Sorrow and sighing shall flee away."

Isaiah 54:17 (Amplified)

But no weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgement you shall show to be in the wrong. This (peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition) is the heritage of the servants of the Lord (those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced); this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me (this is that which I impart to them as their justification), says the Lord.

Those I've been talking to will know, the recent months have been trying for me. Don't really want to go into details, suffice to say - it's come in the form of verbal criticism and left me feeling like a failure and just so, so weary.

Don't get me wrong, the Lord still has been faithful. He's lavished upon me love and understanding, words in season but it seemed as though the "playback" button on my head was stuck on the "criticism category" instead of the rest that the Lord so dearly provides.

Truth be told, i felt so shaken that at a few points in time, i knew the only thing that stood between Kai-Lin-the-Child-of-God and Kai-Lin-going-ballistic was the love of God that never forsook me. He didn't forsake me. But somehow along the way, i had simply found myself nodding along to all the voices coming from the outside - giving in to those thoughts that simply wretch you out from the place of looking to Christ and sinks you into the depression that comes when you look to yourself.

But even in the midst of the darkness i felt i was experiencing, He would whisper sweet words of love to my heart, that His "grace is sufficient for you (me) and My (His) strength is made perfect in your (my) weakness". yet i felt my feelings wavering crazily, like a confused yo-yo, wondering why it was that at this point in time, when i spent more time than i have in the past in His Word and praying in the Spirit, all this continued?

My foundation wasn't fully built on His estimation of me. so as everything was shaken, so was i. deep down inside, i was aware of it, but i didn't want to accept it. and refused to, until my brother said it point-blank in my face on sunday. you bet it hurt, but it was necessary. an issue that needs to be resolved on the inside. its not what people are saying, its that inside, i can't deal with it. that's why it shakes my world.

"Know ye the truth and the truth shall set you free."

Pastor preached on this before, but while i thought i'd got it then, this little seed is starting to really grow now. i felt bound, pressed, simply awful in ways i couldn't really describe. i became sensitive to myself and the words of others, rather than sensitive to the words of God. the exact opposite of what i desired. and again, i didn't know why. i prayed and prayed, asked God why and why and why and why and why... you get the idea.

Someone told me that "truth hurts". another said, "what if what they're saying is the truth?" the first was said in jest, the second out of concern, but both hurt equally. (though neither was aimed to hurt. anyways, all forgiven) but it got me thinking, what if what they're saying really is the truth? and that started another whole spiral of thoughts that were far from edifying.

But the Lord reminded me of the verse above "Know ye the truth and the truth shall set you free." and His Word is truth.

Truth is a word sadly abused in the modern society. its used in phrases such as "to tell you the truth..." where something unpleasant is about to be said and the receiver of those words tend to put their guard up straight away.

But that's not what God says truth is.

Truth is not equivalent to fact. cause facts change, when, for example, there's a new scientific invention, a new school of thought, blah blah blah.

Beyond that, truth is something that can be tested, pressured and still remain. facts can be changed, affected, removed, replaced - like how man used to think the earth was flat (it was a fact then) until Christopher Columbus went for a holiday. Truth doesn't change according to circumstances in life - from every angle, it remains the truth.

And that's what God's word is. "Jesus loves Kai Lin" there's truth.

That truth doesn't change according to how i feel, nor does it sway according to what i experience. it remains steady and sure, whether or not i believe in it. but when i realise truly that that's truth, the truth that Christ loves me beyond measure every micromillisecond that passes, that the cross of Jesus has redeemed me beyond all failure, that the righteousness of God is on my side and His heart is tender towards me, i've found the rock on which i can base my life on. the truth that will establish me as one who will be unshaken by circumstance, by testing.

Fact may dictate my insufficiency, but TRUTH says that i'm not powerless. i don't have to slavishly bow to my circumstances that exist in fact. i'm more than a conqueror! i'm a King and High Priest, set apart and fit for the Master's use! facts have to conform to the truth, and i know, the Word of God - the truth shall not return to Him void. that's honest truth.

The One who freely gives

2008-05-28T01:32:00.003+08:00

Matthew 5: 6
'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.'

Isn't Jesus just awesome? For He proves yet again that He is the Lord that is willing, the Lord who provides, the Lord who readily dispenses that which we ask of Him.

The Amplified here refers to righteousness as 'uprightness and right-standing with God', and we all know that the only way one can walk in the company of God is in the knowledge that we have the right to do so - knowing that we do not owe Him anything, knowing that we are allowed to do so because all our mistakes, past, present and future has already been borne on the person and the body of Jesus Christ.

And the way we know that right is ours is as we seek and see Jesus, in His love who has become our sin-offering for us, our eternal provision even before we had asked it of Him!

Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you. For He who dispenses His love freely has promised that we are to be 'completely satisfied' [Amplified] .

far far away.

2008-04-20T11:38:00.003+08:00

its been three weeks here in the US of A. and i wouldn't say the experience is upsetting or unpleasant, but rather, pleasant yet slightly unsettling. way out of my comfort zone, experiencing a vastly different world from the one in which i have been accustomed to.

people say time and tide wait for no man, and halfway round the world, i cannot help but consider, wonder what i may be missing out on, despite that which i have gained while i'm where i am.

don't get me wrong, the place here is so vastly different, with land abundant and beautiful houses, old buildings that are still being used - though probably would have been considered historical monuments in singapore. the weather is beautiful, with little rain and as of recently, bright sunshine with cool temperatures and cool breeze coming straight towards here in the gulf of mexico.

yet as my reliance upon those around me is removed from my near immediate premises, so is my reliance on Him and His faithfulness increased. after all, who else is there to turn to? i mean that not in a bitter nor sad way, but merely as a matter of fact.

perhaps this could be considered a period of testing, for i had forgotten the feeling of being so far removed from the friends whom i have come to treasure and the company i so enjoy. alongside the communal anointing of a church gathered before Daddy God, and the anointing of freedom, of grace that i had become so used to.

and perhaps i had become numb to that which had so freely been given, and in time, taken for granted - oh, typical, one might say, but here, i truly miss that corporate anointing which had always been present in our gatherings.

and having been in such an amazing presence of grace and love multiple times, and after less than a month, feeling its seperation, i seem to recall the time when none of this had been present in my life, and wonder now, as i did then, how much meaning life had truly seemed to hold for me then.

that time is distant, yet seemingly not far away in my recollection.

but i would that the memory of the past not rob the beauty of the present, rahter amplifying it in its contrast.

Declare Freedom

2008-03-17T18:31:00.000+08:00

as children of God to whom the Word has declared victory, we often wonder why our circumstances even exist.

wouldn't it all be perfect, simply if there was no opposition in our lives, such that things went exactly and solely the way we wanted it to?

i don't know if anyone else has, but i sure have thought that way.

or perhaps, why we should even bother to change and move towards the life that Christ has redeemed for us - as in, what's wrong with the way that we live now?

it occurred to me a week or so back that perhaps trials, problems happen to give us a reason.

let me explain myself, imagine a prison, and a prisoner standing within, with the key.

the odd thing that should probably occur to one would be - if he has the key, why is he still in there?

but in some sense, are we the same?

Prisoners, holding the key to freedom within our prison cells but simply having no reason to get out.

i'm not justifying or seeking to explain why negative stuff happen in some peoples' lives, but maybe, we could change our perspectives some, and see things as an opportunity, a reason to use the keys freely given to us in Christ.

2008-02-12T14:51:00.000+08:00

hello loves, yes its been awhile but praise the Lord and start dancing, because i'm finally back! :)

for those of you who don't know, i've been working in CJC as a relief teacher (full-time working hours :S), teaching general paper. its tiring but rewarding at the same time, which can be interesting and frustrating at the same time - especially when i have to chase for homework... x)

but praise God, for as it appears, my classes appear to have been far more cooperative than some colleagues of mine.

haha i love my classes, they're fun and no one bullies me. :D

often, my students remind me so much of my own friends and sometimes, even myself. it seems a bit odd, but quite interesting at the same time. and i pray that they will be happy wherever they may go, and keep those smiles i have seen on their faces no matter what they may face. that they have the boldness to step forward and not be crippled by the fear of failure.

and i leave them all in the hands of Jesus.

You raise me up
So i can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
and i am strong, when i am on Your shoulders
You raise me up,
to more than i can be

sometimes, times may bear down upon us harshly, and life becomes a blur of deadlines and consequences. yet it is important to remember that as children of God, we're in this world but not of this world. the going gets tough yes, but Christ has accomplished all. we can cry, we can break down, but no, we are never alone. He makes us more than we are. we might lose sight of who we are, what we stand for, but He never loses sight of us.

we are made for eternal purposes, what is visible is only temporal.

languish in His love, and it will lavish out on those around you.

God bless :)

feelings about feeling

2007-11-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

okay, this is going to be a long post. read carefully, i hope it well bless you as it did me, because the more i typed the more Jesus opened up to me and the more i had to type.

pastor's message today was great. while the message was meant to bless families and offer direction to parents, i feel that as a child, i was lent an inside view into the mentality and the perspective that parents approach things from as well. and it helped me understand much of what i had gone through, am still going through and why. i felt really blessed. yet having pastor already expound on that part, maybe i'll just talk about something else that really jumped out at me during service in the course of one of pastor's rabbit trails.

Pastor mentioned that Jesus doesn't just sympathise - in the modern context of the word - with how we feel. He feels what we feel, whenever we're happy or sad. (ref Hebrews 4:15) i don't know about the rest of you, but that was important to me. it gave me assurance on a deeper level. more than just a Saviour who dwells in you, who offers you unconditional love and support - though without doubt, all of that is already infinitely precious - we have a Saviour who has the ability to feel exactly how you feel. and just as children - or rather, people who in general require someone to simply listen to them more than offer advice (we can come to our own conclusions yeah? ;) ) Jesus doesn't just listen and understand on a verbally communicated basis, He understands it through His own experiencing of it as well - in feeling what you feel. and that establishes His position doesn't it? the song Iris by the GooGoo Dolls going, " and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand", made the song a huge hit. and all of us understand why. cause we've all felt that way before. why bother telling someone who doesn't understand? but more than anyone else, He shows us that He does.

and now, perhaps to continue on what pastor had mentioned, i think its important that we realise the difference between that acceptance of feelings and the action that we act out with reference to the action. as pastor mentioned just now, its important that parents are able to differentiate between the child saying "i FEEL like i don't want..." and "i don't want...". One's a feeling the other is an action.

and as a child myself (believe me i know) how it can be difficult, how it can be annoying and how it can be hurtful when parents don't listen. trust me, when pastor gave analogies, at so many points i almost felt he was talking about me, so much that i teared up in my seat, haha.

but likewise, perhaps i will share some stuff that Jesus has shared with me before. just as parents have to differentiate, children have to be able to differentiate as well (okay, i'm assuming that since you're reading my blog, you're at least over twelve years of age here)

let me explain what i mean here. lets say, i give the analogy of child A getting angry with brother B and lets say, shouts at him. so the parent comes over, and scolds the child, "how can you shout at your brother?" ok, question: what is the parent upset about? what is the scolding here directed at? like pastor mentioned, feelings are not moral - they aren't exactly right or wrong. rather, how we act upon the feelings dictate their "rightness" so to speak. the scolding here is not directed at the child getting angry. its that the child shouted at someone. there's a difference. is there anyone who hasn't gotten angry before? even the nicest person has limits. but the action that translated out of that anger is the part that is wrong, not the anger itself. parents have to realise that and differentiate it. and children have to know that as well.

another thing that pastor brought up was the time that Jesus had mentioned (i'm para-phrasing here), how different are you from the world if you smile at someone who smiles at you, wave at someone who waves at you? like myself, some of you may have parents who aren't saved yet, and them not knowing Jesus is difficult for them as human beings (you should know the difference yourself), which may sometimes translate into how they treat you. it takes someone bigger of heart to love someone who does not deserve to be loved. as children of God who are supported and supplied with the love we require to love others, do you think its easier to love for us, or for someone who doesn't have Jesus and draws out any love they exhibit out of their own limited supply?

this may sound terrible and shocking, but in a world like the one we're in today, parents aren't obligated to love their children. think of all the baby dumping, the abortions and what-have-yous that exist today? but maybe we should see that having decided to love us - yes, even in their own imperfect ways - perhaps we should already be rejoicing that they love us and remain with us at all? we tend to cherish friendship and endeavour to spend time with our friends because we ATTACH A VALUE to the love that we receive from them. perhaps its because we expect our parents to be always there, that we under-value them, and in turn, makes it difficult for us to show that we or even to just simply appreciate them..

i remember once, pastor mentioned that when you love someone, you should love them the way that they want to be loved. at that moment, i understood that, but received it in 2 different ways. i understood what pastor meant, that people interpret love differently and in order for you to have done something that they interpret to be love, it requires you to have done it in their language of love. for example, if someone hates flowers and loves cookies, but you hate cookies and give them flowers, they won't feel loved, cause they hate the way you showed that you loved them when you bought them flowers! if you really love them, you would buy them cookies because you know that'e what they appreciate, and they in turn will register it as love. you love them the way they know it to be loved, not the way you want to love them.

i understood that, but applied that to the people around me. i thought, see they don't understand. thoughts of "why can't they, why must they, why couldn't they" just filled my mind, and before i knew it, i had condemned many around me. but one day the Lord asked me, " what about you?" it surprised me. then i realised that perhaps, these people didn't realise what they were doing. unlike myself, they didn't know about loving people the way they should be loved but having been from a different generation, just as their parents before them, they loved the only way they knew how. this was the way they had been treated, so sub-consciously, this is what they register to be the definition of parental love, and thus, this is what they show. And myself, in condemning them - whether i meant to or not, it doesn't matter - in not realising and interpreting their language of love, was doing the exact same thing they were doing to me, not loving them they way they wanted to be and interpreted love to be.

i hope you caught all that and it blessed you. and now i just caught something with reference to righteousness according to what pastor preached about rightesousness today. so even if you haven't exactly caught all that just now, catch this:

pastor mentioned that feelings are amoral, neither right nor wrong. let's take a look at that in reference to us believing that we're righteous. many times, when we do something that we feel is wrong, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we can end up wrought with guilt and condemnation - let's be real here yeah? but the thing is, here's the crux. the conviction of righteousness that the Holy Spirit accuses us of is based on the cross - that our feelings are not important and do not dictate our value, as the cross has paid for everything already. rather than feelings of condemnation or whatever translating into worse actions (remember: condemnation kills), the cross is that basis to which we can point and say, "no, this is not the be all and end all, this is not what is significant" because our value, our righteousness and our worth is wrapped up in the person and the finished work of Jesus Christ.

just as God's confimation and affirmation of Jesus as His beloved child allowed Him to perform miracles (recall: Jesus' first miracle only started after God called Him His beloved Son), our identity, our utmost affirmation of God's love is wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ. The Bible puts it this way: we know love through the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. the cross wraps up our undeserved identity, our identity as King and High Priest, child of God. Compared to a servant, a prince or princess walks with a different air of authority and confidence, simply because of who their father is, knowing the power they have through Him.

as we can. :)

falling down and standing up.

2007-11-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

people often say that its ok if you fall, you just have to get back up again.
but its easier said than done.
for the average person, standing back up may not be where they want to be. sure, no one likes to fall down, but standing back up on your own two feet ain't easy. i would know. you struggle to stand up, only to feel tossed about by everything and find yourself on your behind again. everyone's been there.

but here's the crux. that was before. for a child of God, even when you fall, you fall into the all-protected, cushion-y zone of grace. and the difference is that you can stand up, because you stand with the approval of God. you have the RIGHT to stand, to not stand is to not claim something that's rightfully yours. and you have the courage to stand, because you know you won't be tossed about, your future is NOT unsure. it is definite, definitely good. you win, not because you fought harder but simply because in Christ, you're a winner. its only right that you win. because God has the last say in yoour life.

for my convenience

2007-11-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

current ear worm. it won't get out of my head, in a good way though.

卒業～さよならは明日のために～
sotsugyou ~sayonara wa ashita no tame ni~ // graduation ~for tomorrow we say goodbye~
タッキー＆翼 // TACKEY & TSUBASA
2wenty2wo; TRACK 015

もしも一つだけ　たった一つだけ
かなえられるなら　なにを祈るかな？

moshimo hitotsu dake tatta hitotsu dake
kanae rareru nara nani o inoru kana?

if I have one wish only one wish
that could come true what would I pray for?

いまどこにいるの？　いま誰といるの？
青い空見上げ　そっと問いかける

ima doko ni iru no? ima dare to iru no?
aoi sora miage sotto toi kakeru

where are you now? who are you with?
looking up at the blue sky I ask in a whisper

With you　すぐそばにいた頃の君はいない
With you　離れても変わらないと約束したのに

With you sugu soba ni ita koro no kimi wa inai
With you hanarete mo kawaranai to yakusoku shita no ni

with you you are no longer always by my side like before
with you even if we once promised to never change when we separated

たとえばぼくたちが想い出になる
そばのぬくもりにわ　もうかなわないから
せつないためいきが　不意にこぼれた
舞い上がれ遥か遠く君に届くように

tatoeba bokutachi ga omoi de inai
soba no nukumori ni wa mou kanawanai kara
setsunai tameiki ga fui ni koboreta
mai agare haruka tooku kimi ni todoku you ni

if everything between us shall become a memory
it’s only because the warmth around us now is irresistable [1]
a sudden sound, a helpless sigh
it flies and drifts towards you in the distance

きっとその未来　ぼくはもういない
それだけのことに　やっと気づいたよ

kitto sono mirai boku wa mou inai
soredake no koto ni yatto kizuita yo

a future with you surely no longer belongs to me
it’s such a simple thing but I’ve only just realized

For me　迷ってたぼくの背を押してくれた
For me　微笑みに隠していた悲しがる瞳

for me mayotte ta boku no se o oshite kureta
for me hohoemi ni kakushite ita kanashigaru hitomi

for me you’ve once brought me determination when I was lost
for me hiding under the smile is a pair of wistful eyes [2]

たとえばぼくたちがさよならになる
そばにいてほしいと、そうつぶやいていた
やるせない想いが声にならない
せめてこの祈りだけは君に届くように

tatoeba bokutachi ga sayonara ni naru
soba ni ite hoshii to sou tsubuyaite ita
yarusenai omoi ga koe ni naranai
semete kono inori dake wa kimi ni todoku you ni

if we must say goodbye from now on
I mutter to myself, I wish you were by my side
this persistent feeling of longing cannot be expressed in words
I wish that this prayer of mine will at least reach your ears

終われない想い　空に放して
たとえ一人でも　歩いていくから

owarenai omoi sora ni hanashite
tatoe hitori demo aruite iku kara

let this neverending longing be dispersed into the sky
even if I am the only one left I have to walk on

桜の花が舞う　あの日のように
まぶしい想い出のヒカリを反射して
せつないためいきて　色鮮やかに
舞い上がれこの想いのすべて　届けてくれ

sakura no hana ga mau ano hi no you ni
mabushii omoi de no HIKARI o utsushite
setsunai tameiki de iro azayaka ni
mai agare kono omoi no subete todokete kure

the cherry blossoms dance in the sky, just like that day
the dazzling memories in the light
helplessly sighing, let them become more colorful
let all of these thoughts fly, and hope that they reach your side [3]

たてえばぼくたちが想い出になる
そばのぬくもりには　もうかなわないから
さよならは未来のためにあるから
舞い上がれ遙か遠く君に届くように

tatoeba bokutachi ga omoi de ni naru
soba no nukumori ni wa mou kanawanai kara
sayonara wa mirai no tame ni aru kara
mai agare haruka tooku kimi ni todoku you ni

if everything between us shall become a memory
it’s only because the warmth around us now is irresistable
for that very distant future we say goodbye
it flies and drifts towards you in the distance

[1] the sentiment behind this line is that the warmth of the people around the singer now is a much stronger force than feelings for the person who is far away.

[2] this line is just random.

[3] it really means i’ll let all my memories and thoughts fly and i’ll just hope that they reach your side, but it’s kind of weird in the subject. so. just worded weirdly

healthy lifestyle (check this out dave!)

2007-11-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

from coach maddy's blog, hilarious and apparently from one of the pastors.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Final Word

And remember: For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart atacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The scars of yesterday can be your stars tomorrow :)

2007-10-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

isn't the line of the title cool? pastor prince mentioned it in passing two days ago. and praise Jesus, cos it's such a line which restores hope into the hearts of the ones who hear it. that your scars will be scars no longer, that upon contact with the resurrection life of Jesus, they turn into stars, gloriously shining for the world to see.

Pastor's message on sunday was on the blessing of Abraham, and how the Holy Spirit had lingered and lingered, unwilling and sad to leave Israel, and how it had returned after the resurrection of Jesus Christ, eagerly and mightily filling the disciples in the room.

personally, i think that changed my view of the Holy Spirit a great deal.

my brother mentioned to me once, to not underestimate the Holy Spirit. The presence of God is not something feeble that suffers from "interruptions" in your quiet time with the Lord. Sure, we can all pray that whatever time that we choose to spend with the Lord will be guarded by God and that no interruptions will spring up, but hey, even if anything comes by, so what? the touch of God's presence isn't something feeble to be broken off, by let's say, your parent looking in and asking you to clean up your room.

and the message preached by pastor really reinforced that. the lack of so-called "feeling" the Holy Spirit does not, by any means diminish its presence, for the Holy Spirit is a helper of Jesus who NEVER LEAVES NOR FORSAKES you.

and Daddy God is eager, eager and willing to come to you to sozo (save) you out of your distresses. and its time that we all grab hold of that and call on Jesus with the heart and mind that is assured that He answers immediately and to an extent where it far exceeds our needs.

its like pastor said before, "a crying child belongs on the lap of the Father". and when we're lost, in pain and don't know what or how to pray, all we have to do is cry out to Abba and He knows and is there to carry us.

birthdays and fights

2007-10-09T01:21:00.000+08:00

haha my birthday was just over, and i thank God for all you lovely people really, it was a blast.

it was the first time i celebrated my birthday with my jc class, and it was really a surprise, didn't expect it at all :)

the caregroup's one was quite funny though. they managed to hide it till i went with the newcomer, Hui yi to the loo after dinner on saturday, and she asked "John was asking if we should spread the word about her birthday, who do you think they're talking about?" i just couldn't stop laughing when i saw her face as i said "uh, i think its me..."

and not forgetting my precious "brothers" whom i have known since i was about 14/15 years old. the sight of the silly "Buttercup" cake really made me smile :) haha, and of course, Pearlyn and her big fat cookie too :) thanks loves!

haha my street cred on fighters' club reached a full 5/5 today when i won the fight against joel with all the support. but i dropped to 4.59 in a silly fight (we lost 25 v 1) yeah, the guy alone won... and it dropped again to 3.75. but at least how it ended was seriously funny. haha :)

what's rightfully ours

2007-10-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

i had a passing thought today. it goes like this:

as people, we often "fight" for what we believe to be rightfully ours. like no you can't take it, cause it belongs to me. i should have this or that because its my right as a human being.

but what about our 'right' as a child of God?

if we really felt that it was our right to be blessed, to live a glorious life that speaks of the favour and glory and blessedness of Jesus Christ, there would be no misperception of something that is detrimental to us, being a 'lesson' or merely an accept part of our lives would there?

well, to speak the truth, it is our right as children of God to be blessed, loved and to reign in life! because if its not, the death of Jesus Christ upon the cross would have been in vain!

your blessedness, well-being and peace of mind in every area of your life is your blood-bought right today. don't ever let anything or anyone convince you otherwise.

sure, we were once sinners, but having received the finished work and the blood of Jesus that keeps on keeping us righteous and holy, its heresy not to receive what God has said is your inheritance as a child for whom someone has died to leave for you, and resurrected to proclaim its eternal completion.

its your right! :) receive it.

2007-09-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

Locklear, Locklear. sigh. i feel like Tylendel died all over again. sigh.
i hate it when the one of the good characters fall into an evil ploy and die because of it. especially when its characters that i really enjoy.

but that just proves that raymond e feist and mercedes lackey are good authors. i remember when tylendel died i was depressed for a week. and when vanyel died as well, it extended to 2 and a half weeks. sigh. RAHHHHR.

-points to characters- "Locklear, Tylendel and Vanyel, COME FORTH."

sound familiar anyone? ;) oh yes and amen.

2007-09-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

just finished reading Prince of the Blood by Raymond E. Feist. am happy that Borric and Erland grew out of being boys and progressed to be men. but am EXTREMELY UPSET that Locklear died. VERY VERY UPSET. argggh.

2007-09-17T21:54:00.000+08:00

mm its been awhile since i last updated. cheated on posting for a while, putting song upon song up, but well, haha too bad :P

so many times i seek for progression, a step forward to tell me that i've grown up, that i'm different from the way i was before. and its not limited to any one part of my life, but so so many. in Christ (ministry), in friendships, in mentality, in action. but often i find that when i prize something else above the one thing most needful, Jesus, i tend to lose it. not that it's anyone's fault, but that i place so much importance on that thing so consciously, that i gloss over everything and everyone else. then i realise what i missed out on, feelings that i hadn't deliberately but nonetheless, had hurt, including my own. and then i realise, it wasn't worth it.

so i decided. that this life be really lived for Christ and for me. not for anything else, nor to hope to achieve some lost dream. i'm not talking about ministry calling, or dreams God has placed in our hearts but small castles that as people, we tend to build in the air in hope that they come true. i wanna really just enjoy each moment and every person who crosses paths with me. seems unrealistic almost, but i'm not going crazy and seeking the impossible, i'm just starting to love this life a little more, and realise how much Jesus loves me that much more. i'm not saying that i'm going to make everything into "quality" for every second of my life but rather, that i'm not going to chase after anything other than Jesus. i can't be bothered and i just feel that, hey, Jesus said i'm cool with Him, and no one else is on my "need for approval" list, so i don't have to prove anything.

no, i don't want to despise the day of small beginnings, because its what You have put in my hands. i don't want to neglect the goings of today just because i'm too busy looking at tomorrow or the day after. i wanna walk this life, being conscious not ONLY that You hold the finishing line and have already marked my finishing point to be good, but also that while i'm walking down the roads of "everyday" that You're holding my hand through it all.

You get me

2007-08-31T00:19:00.000+08:00

So I'm a little left of center
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm your girl

Hey, you are on my side
And they, they just roll their eyes

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
Yeah, you get me

So what if I see the sunshine
In the pouring rain
Some people think I'm crazy
But you say it's okay
You've seen my secret garden
Where all of my flowers grow
In my imagination
Anything goes

I, I am all you want
They, they just read me wrong

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and hold my hand, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
Still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
'Cause you get me

Hey, you are on my side
They, they just roll their eyes
Yeah, yeah, yeah

'Cause you get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
When none of the pieces fit
You make sense of it
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still I want you all the time
Yeah, I do
'Cause you get me

my only hope

2007-08-24T18:53:00.000+08:00

ONLY HOPE

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i found a nice song. mm. who would have thought mandy moore sings christian songs? its actually the nicest song (at least i feel) she's ever done.

but at least she's right about something. that He's really our only hope. everything else is fallible or breakable, temporial and unreliable.

chase after He who is absolute, who is Life and Truth itself, and everything else will chase after you.

"For your Heavenly Father knows you have need of all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

sure, you can tell yourself, "no, i won't pay attention to all these temporial things," but can you really sway yourself? the only way you can actually do it is to be "distracted" FULLY by the love of Christ. such that when you fall so totally in love with Him that you have no attention span for anything else - NOT to say that you neglect your responsibilites, for the Christ in you will EMPOWER you to fulfill them - but that your heart's desire is most acutely set on the love and the person of Jesus Christ.

Because everything else can strive for perfection, can attempt to attain it, but even the sweetest person can get angry at times, even the most beautiful thing you can imagine may be unappreciated by someone else. humans are fallible, objects are breakable. nothing, apart from the person of Jesus Christ and His finished work lasts forever.

i guess i can say all this because i know for a fact how fallible people are, how everything else doesn't last. no, i'm not being emo, i'm just stating it as a fact. sure, i can get upset still at times, but i'm fallible as well. but my security, the absolutes in my life aren't constuctions or perceptions of truth construed by man but a person, that of Jesus Christ. sure, theories are nice, but guess what, that's all they are: theories.

whether or not we want to be disappointed, is your choice. sure, try as you might to attribute your disappointment to something "outside" of your control, ultimately it ties back to whether YOU are willing to sink into such an abyss of peace and love that hey, the world may sway but you won't.

just how much are you willing to allow yourself to fall in love with Him?

you might lose control, you might lose yourself, might lose your grip on His hand but more importantly, do you know that all the while, He's the one holding onto you?

2007-08-20T00:02:00.000+08:00

smiling, the child
dances between the puddles,
laughs as the rain pours down,
pretending that its lemon drops falling,
attempting to catch with her mouth open,
as the old candy drops song had suggested.

sure, to reminisce does not equate to re-living it all. but it comes pretty close.

i miss the days when you were five and the world was simpler,
a time when i could run over and be sure that you'd meet me there.

rest

2007-08-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just like to immerse myself in songs like this piano one thats playing right now on my blog. sure, its highly sentimental in the way it flows, but too bad if you dont like it, cause i happen to enjoy it. i wouldn't go as far as to say it makes me happy - hardly, considering how "emo" it is - but i like the way , at least for me, it sort of brings me to another time and another place, and makes me remember things and thoughts which are precious to me, and what is important to me in my life; which i happen to forget, all too often.

i could go on and on about this, but i'd really rather just sit back and enjoy.

i wish that i had the time to do the same in life, time where a person could just kick back and enjoy what's been placed on this earth by God for us to enjoy. but everything nowadays is rushrushrush, queuequeuequeue, that hardly anything's "fun" anymore. ok shall stop whining, think i just needed to get that out of my system.

i need rest. and yeah, as pastor said, the only thing God ever said that we should fear is that we not enter into His rest.

i remember my brother once told me, that if you asked yourself, "do i feel tired?" or have the compulsion to simply rest, you can be assured that you haven't been resting. its like a light kinda dawned upon me, like, oh yeah, that's true. all too often we labour and labour, getting caught up in the twists and turns of our daily lives that we sub-consciously place Jesus and His finished work aside, with a post-it note that says : erm, i'll get back to this later. sounds familiar? yeah it does to me too, so join the club or we can have an altar-call for liars ;)

the King that came to serve and love

2007-08-12T00:35:00.001+08:00

:) arrow was a blast today!

pastor chin's message was cool and really, simple but powerful. like what the leader's have been saying for ages, that hey, to give to others you have to first receive, or you won't have anything to give anyways. and its so true.

cause when you're all empty inside, even the smiles that you give don't come from the heart, the slightest thing can get you upset and even words of encouragement that you give to those whom you care about seem hollow.

but like pastor said, i guess we all really have to come to the place where we realise that the one thing needful, that daily manna (bread) that we receive is important to start our day with the right mindset, the consciousness of how big and who our God is. that with the washing of our feet, the receiving of the service of the Servant King that is girded with righteousness and faithfulness, such that everywhere we walk in the walk of this life on earth is blessed ground, for the blessings of God are upon the person, not the land.

i never want to come to a place whereby i lose sight of all this, because i know the moment i take my eyes off Him, everything else in my life swings off-balance. its been tried and tested, and i really don't care to try that again.

"your inability to hear God does not overpower God's ability to speak to you."

sounds logical huh, because otherwise we would be saying that God's ability is lesser than ours wouldn't we?
now how come that never occurred to us earlier huh... >.<

thank God its not our part that matters, but His :)

2007-08-09T21:58:00.000+08:00

i think its really lovely.

the way the faces of newlywed couples seem to just glow, even when they look so cutely-silly, walking out of the mrt with cardboard boxes strapped to their backs from ikea.

or the look on the baby's face when his mom's playing peek-a-boo.

and the best part is, they don't even realise it. i guess that makes it all the more beautiful.

happy birthday singapore :)

One and the same

2007-07-30T23:20:00.001+08:00

Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever more.

for many Christians, its such a familiar line that its become some sort of a mantra, chant chant chant, yeah we know, next please. like it or not, many of us take it for granted.

but what does it exactly mean by Him being the same, yesterday today and forever more - as the Bible tells us?

lets go into a bit of that today.

the Bible clearly states that the heart of Jesus for us today is "for (our) good, and not of evil" and we know that God being God, He cant lie right? its time therefore to realise that unreal, impossible as it may sound, God is never ever angry with us, never hold anything against us and never imputes sin unto us.

but do we know the heart of love of God toward us? do you know that every believer has access to the heart of God and how he feels towards us today? that while we may not understand the mind of God, we have the mind of Christ - through the Holy Spirit that lives in us - and hold in us therefore, the feelings and purposes of His heart. [1 Corinthians 2:16]

its time for us to come to a realisation of the extent to which that heart of God is for us. "for by this we know love, that He dies on the cross for us" and that is the truest and most expressive action which shows the heart of God for us. the cross.

that same love that made Jesus willingly die on the cross is still there for us today. the same love that loved us in spite of our wretchedness "that while we were sinners Christ died for us". Jesus Christ is the same. His heart still burns with the same passion that led Him to lay up His life on our behalf. Even for those people whom we feel we love most - lets say the love of Christ that is placed there by Jesus living in us aside - we would hesitate, even for a fraction of second, on whether we would really want to die for them, in their place. But as for Jesus, the people that He died for had rejected Him, scorned Him, spit on Him, sneered at Him, jeered in His face, denounce Him as the Messiah, punched Him, whipped Him, persecuted Him, nailed Him, gambled away His clothes, TRIED to use the Law He Himself wrote to humiliate Him and basically were a bunch of unseeing, uncaring, rude, despicable and unappreciative bunch.

but He saw them through eyes that only saw love.
He saw that they were lost sheep, without a shepherd - no one to protect them, to look out for them, wandering aimlessly and fearfully, with no hope for the morrow.

and He loved them still, saying "forgive them Father, for they know not what they do"

that same heart of forgiveness and love extends to you today.

take hold, of it, cherish it and experience that love afresh today, and everyday.
and i pray you enjoy the sweetness of that manna of life.

delight yourself in the Lord

2007-07-16T21:22:00.000+08:00

Jesus is amazing people and you better believe it.

one day before i had just blogged on the Word of the Lord being sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of the soul and the Spirit, and its so so true. people who i think i know, or rather know about, the Spirit of God can open up to you even in an instant, and lead you to speak directly into their hearts, their secret fears that no one knows about.

its amazing what the gospel can do, and the love of God, that reaches out and touches the direct centre of your heart.

and while so often we forget our prayers - like how i even forgot about having prayed for someone to know God before - God still remembers, still is faithful and today itself, reminded me of His faithfulness.

thank you Daddy, really thank you.

I'm so happy that another one of Your precious children has heard the truth, the good news and felt Your love. and i'm just really excited for her, cause i know now that her life will never be the same again.

You're really the God of miracles. and i know, seeing all this, that people can say what they like, they can laugh, they can scoff at all this.

but i feel this so so strongly in my heart

" i will not be ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the POWER of God unto SALVATION"

its time to hear the good news.

another thing to share, which though i've shared with some already, but hey, when it comes to the Word of God and His heart of love for us, i say the more the merrier.

Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

the other night i was online on msn, and joshua koh ( from the DARE youth ministry - the most happening youth ministry for sec school students from ages 13 to 17 - insert cheers here) , popped up a message and said, "kailin, what is is delight yourself in the Lord?"

so i asked Jesus, hey Jesus, open this up to me, cause you said that the Holy Spirit is here to guide me and teach me in the Word right? so open this up to me and guide me in turn, in opening this up to him Lord.

its amazing what a prayer can do, and how Jesus is always constantly listening and so ready to answer us.

i felt this inner prompting that just told me to focus on the word "delight". i thought, okay, just check it out, cause i'm sure Jesus definitely has a reason for saying that, duh right?

and its amazing, because people, delight doesnt just mean to enjoy or to pleasure in.

nope, its more than that.

its means to make the SOURCE of your pleasure.

and even now, i can feel Jesus just telling me to make Him the source of all our pleasure.
such that our eyes won't be swayed by our physical circumstances or what people say about us, but that our security, our happiness, our spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health are all wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ.

like pastor says, we're thermostats, not thermometers.
Christians are made to live the life of the glory of Jesus Christ, and we set the temperature, we're not blown about or tossed by the winds.

As Christ is, so are we in this world.
thats what the Bible says.
is as in how He is now, in His resurrected glory, in His life and health and wholeness, riches and honour.

what is it that you need?
favour?
as Christ is favoured, so are you in this world!
health?
as Christ is whole and healthy, so are you in this world!

the Holy Spirit inspired this verse as a blank check. remember, as He is, so are you in this world!
there's an equation.
as Jesus IS at the Father's right hand now = how you are in THIS world.

take hold of this people, and reign as the Children of God that He means us to be.

2007-07-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

wow so many posts in 2 days! this must be some kind of record.

ok have pictures from grandpa's birthday and hanging out with my precious bunch of lovely people again, but i think i'll leave that till tmr, after the history test.

the bible says that the Spirit of God is sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of the bone and the marrow, the spirit and the soul. and its amazing, cause that discernment, that amazingly sharp and understanding Spirit is within all of us. no, God didnt say only when you're in church, or only in ministry. He said He will never, ever, by any means leave or forsake you. that sharpness and discernment is always there, always present.

like Pastor Prince said today about what God said to Him.
Jesus has already identified with us and our sufferings, and through that gave us the gift of grace. Its time now, on our part as the children of God to identify with the life, the love, the glory and honour of Jesus Christ.

<3

2007-07-15T03:14:00.000+08:00

ok, so my blogging has been pretty lazy. mm well i guess i prefer sharing the good stuff in person to those precious people around me.

like that totally cool revelation i had this week. AMAZING, i tell you.

if you haven't heard it, ask and prepare to be blown away, ;)

i tell you that Jesus is way cool.

Hosanna - Hillsong

2007-07-15T01:31:00.000+08:00

I see the King of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

[Chorus]
Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a new revival
Staring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

[Bridge]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

2007-07-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

love the song hosanna by hillsong.

had a fantastic time at arrow today, with pastor chin sharing about flowing with the life of Christ and trusting God.
i remember him saying, don't worry about what people say about you, because you aren't the one who sustains the testimony of your life for God, but He will sustain it, cause if you're the one sustaining it then its no longer grace but works. so so true.

sharing was great too, with jo sharing her revelation of the heart of Daddy God FOR His children, all things good and never to harm. that He is FOR us and not against us, the protective, loving, gracious heart of a Father, our Father.

ruoyun's testimony about her "supernatural recovery" was so good too, and just how God is so faithful.

also charlene and her university entrance, amazing and surprised her, but surely supernaturally intervened. "the one thing that is needful" she did. :)

not to mention yang yan and that verse, "for God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of sound mind."; and how it kept her in the zone of peace despite all the returning of the MYE results.

yeukeed too, with his totally undeserving surprise of topping his class in gp. lol ;)

and myself too, i received so much this week its amazing.

for those of you who don't know, you better believe it, God is faithful.

2007-07-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

ok blogging is therapy right now. to remind remind remind me to chill because Jesus really does love me.

am annoyed with my dad. we had a great talk in the absence of my step-mother the other day but then i just got really annoyed when its so __ hot and he refuses to allow me to turn on the AC. major RAHR.

ok shall drop topic because its aggravating me.

now for some lovely belated posts.

went for third service yesterday! haha i really missed the old gang and it was GREAT hanging out with them again. <3
ooh and the center of attention of the day was erm. my new sunglasses? haha so many people became bugs and flies.

first dean decided to try before service started

then lydia, who took the earlier picture, decided to give it a try

ok the lighting's weird because it was a bit dark and the flash from dean's phone was kinda white and directly glaring at our faces. haha. i guess thats where the shades come in >.<

ok so anyways after service a bunch of us went to ya kun kaya toast while some of the guys went off to play dota.
and we met this really sweet lady who told us she was from new crea too, and decided to just bless us with free donuts that we had been wanting to eat but were reluctant to queue for ( cos she told us she queued for half an hour plus).

a pic with shir around lunch time :)

and anyways, after all that we went to prata house at upp thomson for dinner!
we as in : jemz, jarett, shirmaine, dean, sam and me! :D

lols on the way we were spamming each other (my phone's best at spamming lol.it made jarett's phone hang! ok >.<" ) over bluetooth with pictures of each other from whenever.

a really young dean O.O like when we first met him or something. HAHA.

and the good, too bad its shaky.

the bad? not really la.

looks a bit wrong this. dean and preston

tim and hog. ok this wasnt in circulation yesterday but its here now :) i came by it while scrolling. haha.

the funny

not to mention the vain.

alongside taking more buggy shots of course.

and one of sam at prata house. jemz said he looks like a perv. LOL.

all in all, good fun. I MISSED ALL OF YOU. :D <3

2007-06-21T16:52:00.000+08:00

oh my poor brain. it's addled by the hosts of indonesian, filipinno, singaporean, thai, burmese and malaysian political parties' names and their leaders. O.o

Proverbs 2:6
For the Lord gives wisdom,
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

James 1:5
if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

methinks that the ol' prophet James had mine own face in mind when he uttered forth those words. but 'alas, it doth give hope to mine own befuddled soul, as paul had in his proclaiming that the Christ giveth to his beloveds, grace enough for each day.

give thanks brethren, and though the trials of the Lit exam cometh quickly tmr, knowest in thine heart that thy Lord is with you. amen.

and i credit that to reading great expectations by charles dickens. oh my brain.

2007-06-18T18:20:00.000+08:00

time to recall, recall that first touch of Jesus upon my heart and my life.

ngl camp. seems so long ago. evangelion camp.encounter jesus camp.
but unforgettable, and so so precious.for that time, just to cut off all else and chase after what's most important, what's eternal and cast away all objects of that are only temporary, to cast away what can only be classified as our concerns of vanity.

"His living water we desire, to flood our hearts with holy fire."

that touch of Your presence. to see youths come in with pain, seclusion and betrayal, pride and rebellion etched on their faces only to humbly raise their hands at altar call, raise their hands and say the sinners prayer.

to see those who look so strong let loose floods of tears, kneeling before you, laid out on the floor, shocked by the magnitude of Your love. tears in their eyes.

when did i start forgetting? when did i become so removed from all these?

call it all into remembrance.

2007-06-18T02:20:00.000+08:00

woohoo been too lazy to blog so here's a squashed together post of the many many things that have happened over the past week or so.

9 JUNE 07 SATURDAY

had arrow meeting and celebrated ruoyun's birthday!! :D

happy birthday ruoyun! :D

13 JUNE 07 WEDNESDAY

lunch with yang yan and the caregroup at cathay cineleisure, then ben and jerry's and so some photos :))

yang yan

george and yeu keed

dave and joel

coach gary

haha coach thought that by tilting his head back he was out of the picture. oh no no no. x)

anyways after watching oceans 13 with caregroup, had dinner with kaleni, victoria, darrell, vernon, sheueying, joel, zac (sultanate nuggets).

omg i thought i would die of laughter when darrell was telling zac the story of hansel and gretel. nuggets never heard it before. x) "and then hansel would let her feel the chicken bone everytime she wanted to test how fat he was..."

we love you sultanate nuggets!

so anyways, nuggets, sheueying and joel had to go off first, so the rest of us went to hang out for a bit.

first we took some normal pictures.

well, sorta normal i guess.

then darrell wanted some weird pictures.

with him

of him

and later of other people

*note darrell squashing kal's head. libya and usa are friends!

then he decided to take "artistic" pictures

actually quite nice la. >.< haha :D

and he took a trip to emoland

and we kinda tagged along too.

and who can forget the standard group photo of course?

15 JUNE 07 FRIDAY

In the Zone Youth Concert! whee planetshakers!

anyways, it was fun fun fun but i forgot to take pictures during the concert. but i made up for that slight before and after :))

so while we were in queue and waiting waiting to go in (it was SCORCHING hot)

dean whom i saved from thirst with ginger beer x)

mr yeu keed who had queued from like 3?

waiting waiting with amanda

the busy busy ushers who so kindly opened the entrance doors while we were waiting to save us from the heat. i love aircon.

so after the whole event

amanda

three lovelies

yangyan's sister -who accepted Christ that very day!!!!!-, yangyan and sheryl

jolene :D

and with pearlyn :))

brenda!

han yuen

beverly: birthday girl! happy 21st! :D

charles: i wanna go out and meet my boyfriend in the middle of the night when i'm 21 too.
hokays man.

the magnificient intercept.
whose foot?

mr.culprit. hogan.

what a long post. goodnight, or rather, morning.

SMUN

2007-06-12T17:27:00.000+08:00

haha back from smun a few days ago, what a whole lot of drama! but well the people were all great fun and we go thru it all together yeah?

Anyways, we have the coolest reso man! France got partitioned, where the good wine of Southern France stayed intact with Ezra, Vernon got his ass nuked, Palestinians got Northern France and the parts of it unoccupied by the Palestinians became Russia's nuclear wasteland. The "Muslim Brothers", namely Sudan, Syria and LIbya (MINE AND BERN'S =D ), plus Malaysia, Indonesia declared jihad on the rest of the world, PRC invaded East Asia and Japan declared kamikaze. what a mess.

and we all hail the ruler of the newly established world, Sultanate Nuggets!

haha and that was Sultan sitting on nuked-France.

this is nuggets and his look-alike Kartik !

the lovely US delegates that dominated DISEC just as the real US would have >.< best position paper, honourable mention - overachievers lala.

not to forget our best delegation, Japan: Munsoor and Shu Xie (i will NEVER forget Munsoor's comments whenever ahem ahem cough cough started a motion, not to mention bern's swearing x)

the muslim bloc x) haha the crazy bunch

with ms. russia, Liesel

Germany's Nazis :))

crazy boys ezra and kelvin who had been soaring, flying, going to candy mountain with charlie and dancing to "girly man" the night before.

mexico! lakukaracha~

darrell and kezhong

some random crazy nuts hahaha

DISEC! :D

with indo and ezra'a ghost that appeared outta nowhere x)

the syrian muslim brother :) who has weird hobbies of taking candid pictures and zooming in on people's faces after.

the brazilians x)

more lovely people :))

and last but definitely not least, my one and only partner, bern <3

tingling thoughts

2007-05-31T22:02:00.000+08:00

i was just thinking for a bit.

what are memories to a person?

for me, sweet ones, like my older brother taking care of me when i was too scared of the dark to go to sleep and there were knocking noises in the ceiling- later found out to be from the silly cat that climbed on my roof- but all the same, its sweet cos i fell asleep in his room and he carried me over back to mine after i was off to dreamland. i was around ten or eleven i think.

or weird early ones, that just seem to remain stuck in your head, for some particular reason. for me, one of the earliest i have would be either playing with my childhood playmates aka neighbours or that old beggar in penang who had croaked out "God bless you child, God bless you." when i had put some money in his cup.

like what those researchers say, nobody actually forgets anything, but its more like how easily they assess their memories and what sparks off the remembering.

another weird thought.

what are people really scared of when it comes to the totality of death itself. no, i'm not talking about the process - like sickness or pain - but death itself. hey, for me at least, i know that my death will only result in me going to heaven to be with Jesus, yet my reason to live is to glorify His name and live in His call in my life. but to me it seems that what people are afraid of when it comes to death is that the happiness found in the past or present is sealed away forever and no longer accessible. while knowing that heaven holds much more joy that this earth does, its like a foolish part of ourselves struggle with letting go, despite knowing it would be for the better. but no, while i realise all this, i recognise all this, its like i have to constantly renew my mind - for my flesh is weak- and peel off my clenched fingers from whatever i'm holding onto, and toss it to Jesus.

because saying its inevitable is more often than not, just an excuse. rather, its a decision.

what do you want in this life?

seems like i've been doing quite a bit of thinking today.

-even if i'm not the cause of that smile, i'm happy to see you smile :)

2007-05-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

im tired.

been having bowling nationals all week and prepping for maths test tmr. moreover, the test was supposed to be in the afternoon but because of bowling nationals, i have to take it in the morning instead, at 7.30 am and then go off for nationals directly after. oh God.

and i havent finished studying. i really dont want to fail but sigh, i really dont know. whatever it is, i'm going to MUG like mad during the june hols. NO way am i going to allow myself to fail for the other subs. zz.

mm so yeah i'll just dump a picture of some of the bowlers here. la dee da.

2007-05-19T18:14:00.000+08:00

yesterday was sports day at school! no lessons and just play whee. the j1 class of t3 seems to be pretty cool, compared to all the horror stories of j1s i've heard from the other j2s. :)

went to support the guys at the bowling competition. scream scream scream. tired. zz uncle danny (coach) kept making me laugh with all his pokes at what and how and why the guys were goofing up. heh.

then went to potong pasir for dinner and caregroup. :) haha coach gary said its the most people we've had for caregroup thus far. >.< had yummy yummy thai food then a lovely time of praise and worship with jo and george leading. then sharing by coach gary, and ruoyun, yang yan, michelle, george, dave, lanz, jo, eunice, clarice and hope i didnt miss anyone out there. but it was great, it was fun. having not been able to make it for caregroup for ages, it was great to be back. :)

as for some tangled thoughts, i think i'll just wrap them up and toss them to Jesus so they won't annoy me. haha.

mothers's day

2007-05-14T21:12:00.000+08:00

mothers' day was yesterday.

i miss you more than ever mummy. i wish i could just fly over to USA.

2007-05-13T01:22:00.000+08:00

whee :)) today was fun!

went for arrow service this afternoon and it was great, theworship was just so good and it was a refreshing of the spirit. no matter where i am, what im doing, i know that even the overflow, the droplets of Jesus' showers of blessing are more than enough for me and everything i may go through. yet the Lord is faithful and giving, that He does not grudge on the giving, but showers such abundance of love down upon me.

no, its not my circumstances or what people may say to me or about me that define or affect me.
especially if they don't know my Jesus. even if they may be family.
i'm not going to allow myself to be a thermometer, im a thermostat in Christ! i set the tone, i don't get affected by it.

i want to live knowing and being SO aware of what you have in store for me and in me. to not just pass each day but to enjoy the process of the day the Lord has made. not just to hope it'll pass faster, no. and how that will happen, i'll just leave it to be a miracle in Your hands Lord, and with all my troubles. i'll not worry Jesus, i will not be afraid. I receive that favour and provision, i live that King-Priest inheritance.

---------------------------

anyways, :)) had a gorgeous time with the old humphrey gang today :) we gathered to celebrate qi hui's birthday at vivo marche :D whee.

here's us at marche :)

and here's us just before we parted ways and went home, near the mrt.

haha i missed you all. meeting all you precious people again was fun.

rurouni kenshin

2007-05-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

ok i'm annoyed.

my favorite anime series of all time, was just...ruined.

because i watched the OVA.

it was mostly the parts of the comic that wasn't showed in the main TV series.. but also, how he DIED. of LEPROSY.
and how he reverted back to his old name of 'shinta' instead of keeping 'kenshin'.

i always thought that even though he couldn't use the sword when he got older, he would keep the 'kenshin'- that heart of sword.

so so disappointing.

and it didn't follow the comic plot and romanticised the characters and the story in the OVA. even the tom-boyish girl became some sort of gentle, saintly figure argh.

ok rambling here. but seriously.

maybe i shouldn't have watched it.

at least the rest of them didn't die, other than him and his wife (who's set to die but didnt die yet - am i making sense?)

thank God when God changes us, and changes our name, there's no way we're reverting.
'cause sickness and disease ain't got any hold on me, nope, not me in Christ and His sozo-life!

i wish Kenshin knew and accepted Jesus.

2007-04-29T23:31:00.001+08:00

Numbers 6:24-26

such a blessing :)

2007-04-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

the weekend was amazing.

haha i have so so much to blog about, so many revelations to share.

but since i have a test tmr and need to be in sch at 6.45am -zz-, i will save save and blog tmr :D

summarized: it was just overflowing anointing, revelations and the things i saw... just praise Jesus.

i would praise You to no end, for You are so so good.

2007-04-29T00:10:00.000+08:00

it suddenly struck me on the way home. How much are we compromising in this life? Like Pastor Prince said, when we go to heaven one day, we would cry torrents of tears when we see what Jesus had given to us to receive in Him, and what we settled for.

My eye was hurting on the train and it was affecting my vision (for those who didn't see what happened, i'll spare the details) but anyways, i was just feeling like "oh my God its so annoying" and kept thinking that yes, Jesus is my Healer. But hey, this thought suddenly struck me:

At Arrow ministry service earlier in the day, after the preaching, Pastor Chin had led a moment of worship where the Spirit of Anointing had just fallen so heavily upon the place. Pastor said that "calls were being revived" and it was just so amazingly wonderfully, a spiritual refreshing. Who i am, what i'm called for. The week had been trying and tiring, i had felt worn out, stressed and just ready to throw it all away. But that moment, such a world of revelation and the things that i saw , the things that Jesus spoke to me about.. I would not forsake, no, not for anything.

It was all very personal, so if you ask, i might share with you about it. but i'll just say it was so so so so much.

So anyways, to return to my main topic. >.<

Like Pastor Chin said, which tribe held arrows in the bible?
Only, only, the tribe of Benjamin.
And the tribe of Benjamin in the END TIME GENERATION, receiving 5 times more that all his neighbours.

its here people! WE'RE the ministry POISED for CHANGE in the end times! 60% of the people in SEA are 30 and below and as God changed Sarai's name to Sarah, Abram's name to Abraham, so are we changed to be poised in that position to RECEIVE that blessing!

And sidenote, though Pastor Chin didnt mention at Arrow service, Pastor Prince has said before already, that the Benjamin generation is the generation that enjoys ACCELERATION.

and yes, that would be me, thank you and amen.

so the thought that struck me was, having such a position of influence as a King-Priest, the beloved child of the most loving Father ever and the one for whom the greatest, kindest and most innocent person died for, despite my most unworthy moments, to be loved to such an extent by the omnipotent God who would not withhold ANY good thing from me,

why in the world am i compromising myself in having my whole focus for that moment undermined by an irritated eye?
I'm the righteousness of God in Christ EH.
I'm called for great purposes, to throw forth and shine bright the glory of Jesus Christ!
So i say, symptom, what do you think you are doing by being irrationally manifesting in my body? Christ is in me and you have no hold over me!

i sure dont want to compromise.
i wanna see all Your promises come to pass in front of my eyes.
Your blessings to all pass before me.
And no, no discounts :))

For as He is, so am i in THIS world.

2007-04-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

mm i like my new blog layout. i figured out ( finally) how to cue the picture in. and if you stay for awhile, you'll get to hear a lovely piano solo.

no prizes for guessing who its by.

i feel sleepy. probably turning in in a moment. been having a fever on and off, and my throat kinda hurts. haha yes i'm whining a bit. but hey, i reject these stupid annoying symthoms, to get out of my body that's filled with the life of Christ.

throw accusations at me you might
but His favour and grace overwhelms all that
so just look to the cross
its my given victory

that's what He said
for "how many times have i broken Your heart,
but still You forgive if only i ask."

so sound those confounded blaring bells
but there's only the silence of peace in His arms

2007-04-26T21:04:00.001+08:00

i keep trying to put a picture up but can't. zz

my help in time of need

2007-04-26T19:32:00.000+08:00

i've decided to create a blog. had a few before but i never really kept to it, but recently, its like i need to speak out and speak forth stuff that i shut out and refuse to expess vocally. why? i have no idea.

i'm really tired of school. its not that i dont like going to school but its become a chore. its tiring, trying and at times, i just wonder what i'm doing there. its easy to say that "hey i'm there to glorify Jesus" but its so much easier said than done. i feel worn out, i feel lost, and yeah, you can say i'm even emo-ing but, i just feel like i cant take this.

On one hand, i feel foolish for saying all these, but on another, its almost like i need it all to be said. i've been just pretending that these feelings don't exist but ignoring it all isn't going to make me feel better.

its like i know Jesus is here with me, by me. He never leaves or forsakes me. But its so so easy to take it all for granted, take Him for granted, to brush that whisper of His presence aside for 'something more important." but at the end of the day, who am i kidding? who else do i need as much? i can call up my good friends but at times that i'm difficult, even they annoy me by saying things that would, on other days, sit alright with me. At times when i feel so emotionally brittle, it doesn't take much to hurt me emotionally.

and i so need that presence Jesus.
sometimes it seems just so amazing, that revelation David must have had of you that he instead of begging to keep anything else, said "take not Your presence from me".

its like when we're down in the dumps that we really appreciate that consistent comfort of that feeling of just leaning back and enjoying the feeling of resting in Your arms Lord.

its easy to be a great Christian over the weekend, when everyone around you is riding high on the love of Jesus. and you just catch that wave of Jesus' love with the crowd and soar through everything.

but its the times when though You guide my way, i stupidly walk into the valley of darkness and death that i cling on and thank God that You're still by my side.