mm its been awhile since i last updated. cheated on posting for a while, putting song upon song up, but well, haha too bad :P

so many times i seek for progression, a step forward to tell me that i've grown up, that i'm different from the way i was before. and its not limited to any one part of my life, but so so many. in Christ (ministry), in friendships, in mentality, in action. but often i find that when i prize something else above the one thing most needful, Jesus, i tend to lose it. not that it's anyone's fault, but that i place so much importance on that thing so consciously, that i gloss over everything and everyone else. then i realise what i missed out on, feelings that i hadn't deliberately but nonetheless, had hurt, including my own. and then i realise, it wasn't worth it.

so i decided. that this life be really lived for Christ and for me. not for anything else, nor to hope to achieve some lost dream. i'm not talking about ministry calling, or dreams God has placed in our hearts but small castles that as people, we tend to build in the air in hope that they come true. i wanna really just enjoy each moment and every person who crosses paths with me. seems unrealistic almost, but i'm not going crazy and seeking the impossible, i'm just starting to love this life a little more, and realise how much Jesus loves me that much more. i'm not saying that i'm going to make everything into "quality" for every second of my life but rather, that i'm not going to chase after anything other than Jesus. i can't be bothered and i just feel that, hey, Jesus said i'm cool with Him, and no one else is on my "need for approval" list, so i don't have to prove anything.

no, i don't want to despise the day of small beginnings, because its what You have put in my hands. i don't want to neglect the goings of today just because i'm too busy looking at tomorrow or the day after. i wanna walk this life, being conscious not ONLY that You hold the finishing line and have already marked my finishing point to be good, but also that while i'm walking down the roads of "everyday" that You're holding my hand through it all.