my help in time of need

i've decided to create a blog. had a few before but i never really kept to it, but recently, its like i need to speak out and speak forth stuff that i shut out and refuse to expess vocally. why? i have no idea.

i'm really tired of school. its not that i dont like going to school but its become a chore. its tiring, trying and at times, i just wonder what i'm doing there. its easy to say that "hey i'm there to glorify Jesus" but its so much easier said than done. i feel worn out, i feel lost, and yeah, you can say i'm even emo-ing but, i just feel like i cant take this.

On one hand, i feel foolish for saying all these, but on another, its almost like i need it all to be said. i've been just pretending that these feelings don't exist but ignoring it all isn't going to make me feel better.

its like i know Jesus is here with me, by me. He never leaves or forsakes me. But its so so easy to take it all for granted, take Him for granted, to brush that whisper of His presence aside for 'something more important." but at the end of the day, who am i kidding? who else do i need as much? i can call up my good friends but at times that i'm difficult, even they annoy me by saying things that would, on other days, sit alright with me. At times when i feel so emotionally brittle, it doesn't take much to hurt me emotionally.

and i so need that presence Jesus.
sometimes it seems just so amazing, that revelation David must have had of you that he instead of begging to keep anything else, said "take not Your presence from me".

its like when we're down in the dumps that we really appreciate that consistent comfort of that feeling of just leaning back and enjoying the feeling of resting in Your arms Lord.

its easy to be a great Christian over the weekend, when everyone around you is riding high on the love of Jesus. and you just catch that wave of Jesus' love with the crowd and soar through everything.

but its the times when though You guide my way, i stupidly walk into the valley of darkness and death that i cling on and thank God that You're still by my side.