tingling thoughts

i was just thinking for a bit.

what are memories to a person?

for me, sweet ones, like my older brother taking care of me when i was too scared of the dark to go to sleep and there were knocking noises in the ceiling- later found out to be from the silly cat that climbed on my roof- but all the same, its sweet cos i fell asleep in his room and he carried me over back to mine after i was off to dreamland. i was around ten or eleven i think.

or weird early ones, that just seem to remain stuck in your head, for some particular reason. for me, one of the earliest i have would be either playing with my childhood playmates aka neighbours or that old beggar in penang who had croaked out "God bless you child, God bless you." when i had put some money in his cup.

like what those researchers say, nobody actually forgets anything, but its more like how easily they assess their memories and what sparks off the remembering.




another weird thought.

what are people really scared of when it comes to the totality of death itself. no, i'm not talking about the process - like sickness or pain - but death itself. hey, for me at least, i know that my death will only result in me going to heaven to be with Jesus, yet my reason to live is to glorify His name and live in His call in my life. but to me it seems that what people are afraid of when it comes to death is that the happiness found in the past or present is sealed away forever and no longer accessible. while knowing that heaven holds much more joy that this earth does, its like a foolish part of ourselves struggle with letting go, despite knowing it would be for the better. but no, while i realise all this, i recognise all this, its like i have to constantly renew my mind - for my flesh is weak- and peel off my clenched fingers from whatever i'm holding onto, and toss it to Jesus.

because saying its inevitable is more often than not, just an excuse. rather, its a decision.

what do you want in this life?




seems like i've been doing quite a bit of thinking today.





-even if i'm not the cause of that smile, i'm happy to see you smile :)