feelings about feeling

okay, this is going to be a long post. read carefully, i hope it well bless you as it did me, because the more i typed the more Jesus opened up to me and the more i had to type.

pastor's message today was great. while the message was meant to bless families and offer direction to parents, i feel that as a child, i was lent an inside view into the mentality and the perspective that parents approach things from as well. and it helped me understand much of what i had gone through, am still going through and why. i felt really blessed. yet having pastor already expound on that part, maybe i'll just talk about something else that really jumped out at me during service in the course of one of pastor's rabbit trails.


Pastor mentioned that Jesus doesn't just sympathise - in the modern context of the word - with how we feel. He feels what we feel, whenever we're happy or sad. (ref Hebrews 4:15) i don't know about the rest of you, but that was important to me. it gave me assurance on a deeper level. more than just a Saviour who dwells in you, who offers you unconditional love and support - though without doubt, all of that is already infinitely precious - we have a Saviour who has the ability to feel exactly how you feel. and just as children - or rather, people who in general require someone to simply listen to them more than offer advice (we can come to our own conclusions yeah? ;) ) Jesus doesn't just listen and understand on a verbally communicated basis, He understands it through His own experiencing of it as well - in feeling what you feel. and that establishes His position doesn't it? the song Iris by the GooGoo Dolls going, " and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand", made the song a huge hit. and all of us understand why. cause we've all felt that way before. why bother telling someone who doesn't understand? but more than anyone else, He shows us that He does.

and now, perhaps to continue on what pastor had mentioned, i think its important that we realise the difference between that acceptance of feelings and the action that we act out with reference to the action. as pastor mentioned just now, its important that parents are able to differentiate between the child saying "i FEEL like i don't want..." and "i don't want...". One's a feeling the other is an action.

and as a child myself (believe me i know) how it can be difficult, how it can be annoying and how it can be hurtful when parents don't listen. trust me, when pastor gave analogies, at so many points i almost felt he was talking about me, so much that i teared up in my seat, haha.

but likewise, perhaps i will share some stuff that Jesus has shared with me before. just as parents have to differentiate, children have to be able to differentiate as well (okay, i'm assuming that since you're reading my blog, you're at least over twelve years of age here)

let me explain what i mean here. lets say, i give the analogy of child A getting angry with brother B and lets say, shouts at him. so the parent comes over, and scolds the child, "how can you shout at your brother?" ok, question: what is the parent upset about? what is the scolding here directed at? like pastor mentioned, feelings are not moral - they aren't exactly right or wrong. rather, how we act upon the feelings dictate their "rightness" so to speak. the scolding here is not directed at the child getting angry. its that the child shouted at someone. there's a difference. is there anyone who hasn't gotten angry before? even the nicest person has limits. but the action that translated out of that anger is the part that is wrong, not the anger itself. parents have to realise that and differentiate it. and children have to know that as well.

another thing that pastor brought up was the time that Jesus had mentioned (i'm para-phrasing here), how different are you from the world if you smile at someone who smiles at you, wave at someone who waves at you? like myself, some of you may have parents who aren't saved yet, and them not knowing Jesus is difficult for them as human beings (you should know the difference yourself), which may sometimes translate into how they treat you. it takes someone bigger of heart to love someone who does not deserve to be loved. as children of God who are supported and supplied with the love we require to love others, do you think its easier to love for us, or for someone who doesn't have Jesus and draws out any love they exhibit out of their own limited supply?


this may sound terrible and shocking, but in a world like the one we're in today, parents aren't obligated to love their children. think of all the baby dumping, the abortions and what-have-yous that exist today? but maybe we should see that having decided to love us - yes, even in their own imperfect ways - perhaps we should already be rejoicing that they love us and remain with us at all? we tend to cherish friendship and endeavour to spend time with our friends because we ATTACH A VALUE to the love that we receive from them. perhaps its because we expect our parents to be always there, that we under-value them, and in turn, makes it difficult for us to show that we or even to just simply appreciate them..

i remember once, pastor mentioned that when you love someone, you should love them the way that they want to be loved. at that moment, i understood that, but received it in 2 different ways. i understood what pastor meant, that people interpret love differently and in order for you to have done something that they interpret to be love, it requires you to have done it in their language of love. for example, if someone hates flowers and loves cookies, but you hate cookies and give them flowers, they won't feel loved, cause they hate the way you showed that you loved them when you bought them flowers! if you really love them, you would buy them cookies because you know that'e what they appreciate, and they in turn will register it as love. you love them the way they know it to be loved, not the way you want to love them.

i understood that, but applied that to the people around me. i thought, see they don't understand. thoughts of "why can't they, why must they, why couldn't they" just filled my mind, and before i knew it, i had condemned many around me. but one day the Lord asked me, " what about you?" it surprised me. then i realised that perhaps, these people didn't realise what they were doing. unlike myself, they didn't know about loving people the way they should be loved but having been from a different generation, just as their parents before them, they loved the only way they knew how. this was the way they had been treated, so sub-consciously, this is what they register to be the definition of parental love, and thus, this is what they show. And myself, in condemning them - whether i meant to or not, it doesn't matter - in not realising and interpreting their language of love, was doing the exact same thing they were doing to me, not loving them they way they wanted to be and interpreted love to be.








i hope you caught all that and it blessed you. and now i just caught something with reference to righteousness according to what pastor preached about rightesousness today. so even if you haven't exactly caught all that just now, catch this:


pastor mentioned that feelings are amoral, neither right nor wrong. let's take a look at that in reference to us believing that we're righteous. many times, when we do something that we feel is wrong, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we can end up wrought with guilt and condemnation - let's be real here yeah? but the thing is, here's the crux. the conviction of righteousness that the Holy Spirit accuses us of is based on the cross - that our feelings are not important and do not dictate our value, as the cross has paid for everything already. rather than feelings of condemnation or whatever translating into worse actions (remember: condemnation kills), the cross is that basis to which we can point and say, "no, this is not the be all and end all, this is not what is significant" because our value, our righteousness and our worth is wrapped up in the person and the finished work of Jesus Christ.

just as God's confimation and affirmation of Jesus as His beloved child allowed Him to perform miracles (recall: Jesus' first miracle only started after God called Him His beloved Son), our identity, our utmost affirmation of God's love is wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ. The Bible puts it this way: we know love through the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. the cross wraps up our undeserved identity, our identity as King and High Priest, child of God. Compared to a servant, a prince or princess walks with a different air of authority and confidence, simply because of who their father is, knowing the power they have through Him.

as we can. :)